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I’m taking a short break from the stories to bring up an important milestone in my life:
I JUST TURNED 40 YEARS OLD!!!!!
My birthday was actually yesterday, but I can’t believe it. I’ve been on this planet for 40 years. I’m sometimes surprised that I’ve lived this long – especially when I consider my attempt at ending my life four years ago. There was the attempt when I was seventeen as well, though I think I’m the only one in my family who knows that’s what it was. Everyone else swears it was just a bad bout of flu. That’s twice I’ve tried to end my own life, and yet I’m still here.
Then there’s been the few car accidents my family’s been in, the times where I did stupid things like walk into a live fire zone in an archery range (I wasn’t the brightest teenager), the times where I drank so much I blacked out, the one time I mixed alcohol and a narcotic pain killer by accident (I forgot I’d taken the pain killer…DON’T DO THAT…IT’S BAD,) and other things that are too numerous to mention. To be blunt, I’ve done a lot in my life that should have gotten me killed. Yet here I am. I’ve survived, though I’ve lost people I’ve loved along the way.
One of the hallmarks of my life, until recently, is I’ve always run away from my problems. I drank a lot after I lost my kids. I would fall into a deep depression any time something triggers my anxiety. I would beat myself up when something goes wrong to the point where I fell into a deep depression because I didn’t know how to deal with it. I still do those things. I haven’t stopped completely. But I have made great strides in resolving those issues. I’m working towards making myself into a stronger, more positive, more confident, and even more loving and compassionate woman – and that, to me, is the best use of those 40 years of experience.
I would not wish the negative experiences in my life on anyone. I do hope that all of you are able to take those negative things that happen to you and, one day, use them to prove that you’re stronger than you think you are. Even if it’s only to yourself.
*raises glass of Mountain Dew* Here’s to 40+ more years of learning, loving, and life!